Just fell off a train. Bad.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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