I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
