when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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