I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
