I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
