it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
