there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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