its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
