I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
