I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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