Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
