if you like me you must not know who I am
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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