My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
