Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
