So drunk its hurt
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
