morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
be right there i have to get my cape
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
