his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
