The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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