The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
