oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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