Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
