I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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