When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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