Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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