I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
