just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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