Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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