This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
be right there i have to get my cape
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
