I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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