just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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