I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
whose parrot is this?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
