suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
