He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
