Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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