can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
