READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
