Sry I called you an 8
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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