oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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