your thong is hanging out like whoa
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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