Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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