even my farts smell like vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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