I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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