the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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