Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
