He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
