He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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