either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
