this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
