fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's blow job season.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
