and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
