That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
