I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
