omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
