Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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