i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
