He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
