I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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