Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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