explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
