I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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