Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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