Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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