OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
