high people should be assigned attendants
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
