Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
