walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
