Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
