remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
