I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
