Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i believe in u and ur pee
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
