If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
