she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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