We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
