At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
