I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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