Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
