In America we eat man semen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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