Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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