I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
