that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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