Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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