I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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