I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
