and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
